Lost with a Compass in hand...: 5 years that turned into 5 months

Sunday 26th June, 2016 was the Pride Parade in Houston. The plan was to go to the parade and march with NOW chapter Houston. By 11.30am my bags had been packed for me, put out on the driveway and I was told to leave. I had messaged some friends to see if they could come and get me. I was told they couldn't enter the house or the police would be called.

I dragged those 4 suitcases up to the end of the driveway, waited on the side of the road for that familiar car to turn the corner and pull in. It was probably 100f by this time, and I couldn't breath from the congested snot in my sinuses and the flood of tears falling down my face. I looked like a fucking mess, and the neighbours closed their blinds as they watched my shoulders rising and lowering and the muffled wails coming from where I was sitting.

Their car pulled up and Big Mumma jumped out, came around to the back of the car and wrapped me in her arms. I collapsed and sobbed, and all she kept saying is "it's ok, it's ok". For the first time in weeks I felt loved and safe.

My life as I had planned it was over and my heart, soul, spirit and whole being felt crushed beyond repair. 45 years old, broke, unemployed, homeless and my mental health on the verge of relapse. All I wanted was to get on the next plane home to where I could fall apart quietly.

Once again I was sleeping on couches, dragging my 4 suitcases around, interrupting people's lives with my own shit. I felt like an invasion, a wart on the end of their nose, always there and interrupting the clear view. But I talked, cried and whined and they listened. Never once making feel like a burden, but embracing me and my wounds into their home and giving me the space I desperately needed.

I made the decision to stay more than 3 more days in the USA. And the airfares where also going to send me into more debt. 3 more weeks to go home with a broken heart, but to try and fill it as much as possible so the fall would be cushioned. They had fast become my Houston family over the last 2 years and I wasn't ready to let them go just yet when I had already lost everything else.

I have only once in my life felt the unconditional love of friends, and that was 11 years before when my mind had finally snapped and friends involuntary admitted me into a psych hospital. That time 3 friends literally saved my life.

I was about to experience this again, from in the scheme of things, relative strangers who showedme more human connection that I could of ever thought possible. They opened their lives, their house's, their cars, their wallets, their fridge, their bars, their hearts and their arms And they began to build me up and feel so incredibly loved, humbled and thankful.

They made me laugh, cry, drink, eat, laugh a lot more, hug me when I didn't feel worthy, bring me into their families and crept quietly into my heart and build a family I could call my own, and home. Texans I could have to say, are the most incredible and magnificent my genuine and self-less people I have ever met.

I fell in love all over again, and my soul is completely images with these incredible people.

You where the highlight of my trip and my most beautiful memory xx