there are definitely times in my life where I question everything...A lot of people tell me it is wrong, but it has kept me very safe for 44 years..Its also a bad habit when you do not trust anyone except yourself, and even then you don't entirely do that...however I digress.

Maybe I am a narcissistic sociopath. Maybe I refuse to take any blame for myself. Maybe my life is built on control and dominance. Maybe I live a double life - ones that are polar opposites. Maybe I cry tears that are only superficial. And those tears only symbolise that I have been caught out, and that I cry to try and reinforce the "nice" side.

Sometime I do not know anymore. Which is recurring theme in my life, which makes me wonder if I am actually totally crazy and delusional. Is it why I feel comfortable with the insane and vulnerable, with the "normal". Riding home tonight I saw the lady who stands at the end of the street, drinks coffee and talks to herself constantly, and to the cars going by. I wanted to ride up to her, put my bike down and just talk, listen and hear what she is saying. In the distance that woman felt like the teddy bear a 3 year old sees and grabs for comfort.

I wanted to sit, listen, talk, scream, cry and not feel judged or have to explain. I wanted to wrap my arms around myself, rock back and forth and instead of whispering, actually talk above a whisper, and tell myself "its ok, its ok, its ok". Sometimes living and breathing is so excruciatingly encompassing when you live inside your own head.