Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get my life together. What is it I'm looking for? Why can't I stop behaviour that is so destructive to me? Do I enjoy the pain it brings, and that is why I still do it? Why do I overthink EVERYTYHING, analyse movements, words, lack of words, silence, noise.

My life seems to be an unanswerable question of "Am I doing the right thing?".

Ever since I can remember its being a constant running away or too something, not knowing the outcome but doing it anyway. Not being able to sit still. Not being able to trust. Not being able to share. A continuous cycle, that it may appear, I never learn from.

Once again I question my decision, and the only answer I have is: this could be the worst decision of my life.

Today I really fucking hate her. Today I feel sorry for myself. Today I am rageful at myself. Today I have had efuckingnough with everyone and everything. Today I feel caged.