Letter to Mum

To Mum,

Wednesday night you blamed me for everything that happened. A mother who allowed a man to abuse her child, traumatise a grandchild, you blamed me.

The night escalated when I said that Keaton should help Nardene out more at the cafe if he is getting a third of the profits. Clive went from agitated to aggressive in about 5 secs. HE stated “What would you know about business. Keaton is a successful business man who if it wasn’t for him Nardene wouldn't be where she is today”

It is at that point that I said I was leaving and got up to leave. Like a million times before, I had seen the switch that overcomes Clive and I knew he was getting ready to abuse anyone he could, this time directed at me. It was when I got up and left, that he smugly said “That's right get up and run away like you always do”. I said “Excuse me?” He again said “Run away like you always do”.

Instead of him recognising that he had started a heated conversation by belittling Nardene and telling her that without Keaton she wouldn't have anything, and I as acting as an adult seeing where this was going, got up and went to leave, Clive had to throw in a remark which he knew would agitate the situation. Instead of just closing his mouth, getting up and leaving.

So in response to his remark and jibe to me I turned around, sat down and looked at him and said “You are such a narcissistic asshole”. That is when his tirade of abuse started

“You fucking dumb, pathetic, lezzo cunt” That's what he started out with. He continued to abuse me in the most horrible of ways. He brought up that I called him a racist and sexist back in South Perth. He was racist that night. He called Aboriginal people boongs on a 60 minute show and I called him out on it. THAT IS RACIST. Clive is sexist. My whole life he has verbally abused the women in the family, put them down, and Wednesday nights onslaught of abuse showed that he has no regard for women, he believes he has every right to speak to them in the most vile ways because he is a male and feel he has a superiority over us. THAT IS SEXIST. Whilst he denied it Wednesday night, whilst continuing to call me a Fucking dumb lezzo cunt, he proved it very well his sexism.

He also went on to abuse your brother - “That fucking Poofter”. And yes I said to him that he has no right to call your family names and that they only tolerate him for you. You know why he doesn’t like Uncle Richard? Because Uncle Richard finally stood up to him and called him out about the control and abuse Clive has enacted to you, and your daughters for over 30 years. He spoke out as a loving brother about the way that Clive had treated you, was able to recollect incidences and give examples of his abusive behaviour. Clive raged about this letter. He raged because another male called him out on his behaviour and the abuse he saw his sister experiencing, and like any loving family member acted on it.

I saw the letter that Richard wrote – you shared it with me. I agreed about everything he said in the letter. YOU agreed with everything he said in that letter. You have to remember this was at a time where Clive was regularly abusing you, was an alcoholic, and regularly degraded others when he was drinking. He would push you, shove you, speak the vilest of words to you, and in front of other people, as Nardene brought up the other night – in the Barking Cow cafe calling you a Fucking Fat Cow. WHAT KIND OF PERSON SPEAKS TO ANOTHER PERSON LIKE THAT? WHAT KIND OF MAN SPEAKS TO HIS WIFE LIKE THAT? WHAT KIND OF A MAN SPEAKS TO A WOMAN LIKE THAT?

Richard isn’t the only person who has noticed the way Clive has treated you and Nardene and I. Many family members have noticed it and made comment. Even people in Bridgetown have made comment on Clive. Richard was the only brave one to say it. Most people tolerate Clive for you. Individuals don’t go to your home because of Clive.

Do you also know that family members have told me about being in our family home and seeing Clive yelling at us, as young as 6 years of age, and then slapping our faces so hard our heads should have spun. In front of other people. He did this to us?

Clive crossed the line when he yelled at Nardene that we should thank him for the $40,000 he put in a trust. Nardene had no idea what he was talking about, and actually asked “What $40,000?” HE continued to yell “You owe me” Nardene looked at me and said “what $40,000” I said “I don’t know” to which Clive replied “I was the one who put your fathers money into a trust, I could have spent it and used it but I didn’t, you owe me!”

So let me get this right. Clive wants a thank you, for not taking the money off a dead mans children, that he had absolutely no right too. His threat they he could have spent OUR FATHERS DEATH MONEY and we owed him a thank you for not stealing it?? Are you serious?

And we also owe him a thank you for going out and driving buses, and buying food with HIS money to feed us? We need to thank him for doing this? As a an adult, who made the choice to become involved in a relationship with a single mother, with 2 children, who continued to stay in the relationship and therefore continued to make the choice, we have to thank him for doing what he legally, ethically and morally needed to do? By starting a relationship with a single mother with 2 children?

Clive taught us from a young age that children should be seen and not heard. That children should only speak when spoken too. He taught us that what we wanted and needed didn’t matter,that his needs and wants where always more important. He taught us that men needed to be respected and that they could do what they wanted and never have to apologise for their behaviour. He taught us that we are not important, we are worthless and we do not matter. He continues to do this at 72 years of age

You taught us from a young age that children should be seen and not heard. That children should only speak when spoken too. You taught us that our needs and wants do not matter. You taught us that men can abuse us and that we have to apologise for the abuse we received. You taught us that under any circumstances that we have to apolgise for others abuse and cruelty, forcing us to go and apolgise to smooth things over and make Clive feel better. You would even say to us as children, I know what he did and said was wrong, to just go and apologise so there are no hard feelings. We would cry and say we didn’t do anything, he should apologise, but you forced us to go and do it. Apologise to a man who just abused us. You taught your daughters to be worthless, powerless and meaningless.

One of your daughters left home at 15. One of your daughters started to try killing herself at 12 and again and again. You tell me, why would your daughters do this? Why would a 12 year old sit in a cupboard with a gun in her mouth, loading and reloading a rifle trying to blow her brains out? Why? This is not normal and it is not right.

You continue to say that you are a proud mother lion who would protect her children and kill anyone who hurt them. Well you didn’t. You allowed yourself and Clive to hurt us from a young age. You have shaped us in to the women we are today. You continue to protect a man who abuses us, you don’t not keep us safe and you never protected us.

Yes I threatened to punch you, after you hit me repeatedly and refused to allow me to go into the bathroom and see Opal who was petrified and crying. I will apologise for threatening that, because that was wrong. That is the ONLY thing I will apologise for that night.

You continually blame me for nothing I did. You continue your pattern that you trained us in from a young age. You are saying that telling Clive he is a narcissistic asshole, I deserved the abuse that followed? EVERYTHING I said that night is true. EVERYTHING. Clive got angry because he didn’t want to hear it. Just like when Richard told him some truths.

You said that you think we are jealous of Keaton. Jealous of our own brother? I am not jealous in the slightest of Keaton. I never have been and never will be. I am dead proud of my brother and what he has achieved. As I did on Wednesday night, and EVERYTIME it is brought up he is a very smart and successful businessman. I do not deny him ANY of his success or his ability to lead a good, healthy, balanced life. Don't ever tell me what I think about my brother. You do not have ANY idea my thoughts, my feelings or my intentions.

I want you also to reflect on what you think the O'Sullivans would think if I was to tell them what Clive said Wednesday night. That we owed him a thank you for not spending Terry's money that he had no right too. Honestly have a think what any one of them would think and say. Also have a think about what Dad would have thought, looking down at the way Clive threatened and abused us, and demanded thank you’s for not taking money of children.

Clive divorced me and said I was dead to the family. He didn't divorce me, he stopped being my step father when I was 26 years old and he abused me in that hotel room in South Perth. That same incident where I didn't speak to him for 6 months and you forced me to apologise to bring the family back together – to this day HE has never apologised for the vile things he spewed that night. Why should I have expected anything different, he has and never will take ownership of his behaviour.

Is he going to apologise to Opal in person? Is he going to be adult enough to apologise for the trauma he caused her? To actually apologise for the language he used? To explain that no-one should ever speak to another person like that. That no man should EVER speak to a woman like that. That no father should EVER speak to a daughter or son like that. Is he going to take responsibility for his actions and teach her that he was very wrong to do that, or is he going to do nothing so she learns that men can do that to people, daughters, anyone they like and take no responsibility for their behaviour.

She heard everything he said. EVERYTHING. She is scared and traumatised. I despise him for doing that to her.

I am more than happy to be divorced from him. It actually sets me free. I do not have to pretend anymore, I no longer have to tolerate him for you. He is not my father and never was. He is Clive. I am happy to never see him again as long as I live, and I choose to never see him again. I am happy to see you and act cordially, and I love you as a person, but I have no respect anymore for you as a mother or a protector. You never did protect us, and you stood by whilst he abused us. I will never forgive you for that.

Nardene will let you know if anything happens to me in America. 

Goodbye Mum.